Pray
Believe
And you’ll be healed
That’s what the Believers keep telling me
Well let me tell ya
I been prayin’
And believin’
And over this month and a half
I
have not
been
healed
I can hear it now
“She don’t really believe.
She woulda’ been cured by now.”
I can hear it now
“What have you done that the Lord won’t make you whole?”
I can hear it now
“And she calls herself a Christian. Where’s her Lord?
What kind of fool follows a fickle God?”
I can hear it now
…myself asking
“God, why?”
I ain’t gon’ lie
Many tears have I cried
On the note of not lying…
I still cry
Since the first day this illness hit
I’ve poured over the healing scripts
Reading in the book of Matthew
How my good Lord healed
Leopresy
Palsy
And praying and proclaiming with all of my being
I just knew He would heal me
And on this 14th day of the 10th month of 2011
My flesh is still afflicted
This is my human reality
So this human being began to question God
And this human asked:
Why me?
The girl with faith brimming
The girl who looks to You everything
The girl who acknowledges that without You she is nothing
Why me?
The girl who inquired of You her purpose so diligently
The girl who lends her ear to You so earnestly
The girl who finally came to be at peace with that discovery
The girl who You called to write “Why me?”
God, I have prayed
God, I have believed
God, I am waiting
Do you hear me?
Does my faith mean nothing to you?
Why have you not healed me?
My flesh whispers that you mock me
Why are you taking so long?
Into my spirit did my Jesus whisper this song
A sweet melody of reminders of His love
A kind chastisement of my doubt to draw me back into His arms
Reeling me in before my mind was too far gone
These thoughts the Lord brought to me:
God will heal me
I’m on God’s time
Not my own
Besides
All things are for His glory
Not my own
God would not be God if I could command Him to do as I say
When I say
I may call upon God and trust in God to keep the promises He made
But I should not be dismayed or think He has failed me
Just because He does not do what I want
When I want
This is a trying of my faith to make me stronger
Then all was still
And to me did God draw near
It was as though a hand drew back my hair
And a strong voice whispered tenderly in my ear:
Doubt no longer
My Word declares that it is already done
Your prayers and belief are not for none
Doubt ye no longer
Your time does mine exceed
Patience, Merrily
You are healed
When your time meets mine
Not only will you see, but
Feel
© 2012 Ayvaunn Penn
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